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Tackling On-Line Pornography Addiction…
by Robert Scholz, M.A., LMFT
Campus CrossWalk, Winter Edition, 2006-07
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From the editor: We are grateful for this excellent contribution to Campus CrossWalk from a first time writer.
One night last year, Mike, a 19-year old sophomore in college, had his roommates walk into his dorm room while he was looking at graphic pornography on his computer. A devout Christian, Mike broke down that night and went on to tell his friends and a campus minister about his battle with on-line and video pornography. Although, having his secret out in the open helped in some ways, now he was left to deal with other big issues –– Am I alone with this problem? Why is it so hard to quit? Do I really have a problem? How do I stop doing this and is there help for me?
Am I alone with this problem?
No. On-line pornography has become a big business.
There are roughly 4.5 million pornographic websites -- 12% of the total number of websites, but 60% of all web traffic. Playboy’s website averages millions of hits per day. At least 20% of American adults have admitted to visiting a pornographic website.
There are two main reasons why and how the pornography industry has exploded––money and technological advancements. Conservative estimates suggest that web-based pornographic sites generate in excess of 320 million dollars a year! Web-based pornography has become a lucrative industry for people all over the world. Additionally, while pornographic material has been available in society for decades, the availability and access to pornography has increased exponentially as technology has become more sophisticated. For instance, almost all college students have access to high speed internet services which can lead to the easy access of any website within seconds!
Furthermore, the porn industry itself is responsible for the creation and advancement of many internet-based technologies like video streaming… that is, their designers have created technology to support more advanced and interactive devices that all internet users utilize on a daily basis on non- pornographic sites!
So what does this all mean? Like any company marketing their products, it means that the pornography industry is targeting you and will do anything to move you towards their product. Think those sexually explicit e-mails or pop-ups might are random? Not the case -- they are intentional, with the goal of bringing you to their website. While pornographic websites may all look the same, they were designed with a purpose… to get you hooked and to come back for more.
Like other types of addictive substances and behaviors, pornography is trying to sell you on some false promises: you’ll feel better, enjoy life more, become better educated about sex, have better relationships, and forget about all of your problems. In addition to these false promises, they rarely ever tell you about the risks.
Why is it Hard to Quit?
Internet pornography addiction has some unique features that set it apart from other addictions. A few of these factors include:
- 1. The internet has become an integral part of our every day life –– bottom line, the source of the problem is hard to avoid. An alcoholic can much more easily avoid alcohol than a person struggling with pornography problems can avoid the internet.
- 2. The internet and pornography are intoxicating. Sexual feelings usually feel great…and when they feel great, they serve as a powerful reinforcer for behavior.
- 3. The internet is inexpensive. While many pornography sites do require a usage fee, thousands of other sites are free and offer users unlimited numbers of pictures and video clips.
So you might be thinking, “Well, every guy or girl I know has looked at pornography…that doesn’t make me a deviant.” You’re right - about 70% of men and 30% of adult women have viewed pornographic websites. However, would you know when this behavior was a problem? Is it moving you away from or towards the values God has set forth for your life? Better yet, would you know the first steps towards changing the problem?
So How Do I Know if I or Someone Else Has a Problem with Internet Pornography?
For college students, here are some things to watch out for that may be signs of a pornography problem.
- 1. Social and Relational Problems:
- Spending less time with friends.
- Lying to friends and family about on-line behavior.
- Give up on what would appear to be healthy romantic relationships.
- Engage in random sexual relationships.
- Get behind on schoolwork, fail to meet requirements of a job, reduce and eliminate involvement in school clubs or other activities.
- 2. Emotional:
- Depression or anxiety are common due to the shame internet pornography users experience. Christians with clear value systems, sometimes experience even more shame because they are more aware that their behavior is incongruent with their value system.
- Increased emotional isolation, secrecy and lowered self-esteem. Because sexually stimulating behaviors provide temporary emotional relief, people sometimes start attempting to satisfy any uncomfortable mood state with this behavior, rather than talking it over with friends.
- 3. On-Line Related Behavior
- Often spend excessive amounts of time on-line.
- Lock the door before going on-line.
- Place the computer in a part of their room where a roommate can’t see what’s on the screen.
- On a regular basis sexually stimulate themselves to material on their computer screen.
So What if I want to Get Help? Can I fix this problem?
The person experiencing an internet pornography problem does have options and can get the problem under control. An important first step is to acknowledge the possibility of a problem. If you think you or a friend has a problem, please consider the following:
- 1. Be honest with yourself and at least one other person you trust. This might be a best friend, campus counselor or minister, or other person who cares about you.
- 2. If you’re not ready to go to someone else and want to try and stop on your own, consider the following. Try to think back over the previous week of when you either used pornography or had strong urges to use it… what time of day, how were you feeling, what had you been doing before the pornography use? This will help you identify some of your “triggers” or “slippery spots.”
Based on this information, try to set up some strategies that might address these “triggers” or “slippery spots.” For example, make a pact with yourself to not go onto the computer, alone in your room when you know your roommate is gone for the night. When praying, be specific with God about what you’re going to try and work on with the problem. For instance, “God, help me keep the door open when I’m on-line.”
- 3. Work with a support group. Many men and women benefit from Christian and non-Christian support groups. See the resources listed at the end of this article for more information. Groups often help people with the shame they feel, as users come to recognize they are not alone in their struggle and work with one another to find potential solutions.
- 4. Get help from a professional who specializes in working with men and women who struggle with sexual addiction. Not all counselors have the same type of training, so it is important to ask specific questions their experience before beginning treatment. Most college counseling centers have someone on their staff trained in working with addictive behaviors.
- 5. If you’re the friend of a person with a suspected problem, don’t be afraid to ask the person about what you’re seeing. Most people, in the end, appreciate the care and concern… and wish that someone would have said something sooner.
The Good News is that with appropriate help, people do get control of their sexual behavior and can go on to have wonderful, healthy romantic relationships and eventually sexually fulfilling lives that are based in loving relationships and congruent with their spiritual and religious beliefs.
I have always liked a quote from Henry David Thoreau where he states, “things do not change, we change.” How relevant is this message to the battle with pornography! With the help and forgiveness of God, the willingness to see the problem for “what it is”, and with the love and support of others, the tide can be turned in the battle against internet pornography.
For additional information and resources about sexual addiction, check out the following websites:
- Sexual Recovery Institute – website of a well known treatment center in Los Angeles that offers on-line self-assessment resources and referral information:
www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/online.php
- RSA Ministries - a fellowship of Christian men and women who are struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors: www.rsaministries.org
- Sex Addicts Anonymous - is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction or dependency: www.saa-recovery.org
Statistics and resources for this article were provided by Elizabeth Griffen M.A, obtained. in a Presentation conducted March 2006 in Marina Del Rey, CA.
Robert Scholz is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who specializes in the assessment and treatment of adolescents and adults. An expert in the fields of sexual abuse, domestic violence, addictive behavior, and men's issues, Scholz works at Pepperdine University's Counseling Center, where he works as a clinician and serves as the university Alcohol Education Coordinator. Additionally, Scholz teaches at Pepperdine as an Adjunct Professor of Graduate Psychology and Sociology. In addition, Scholz provides consultation services to community, faith-based, and governmental agencies, and conducts trainings on a local and national basis for professionals in the fields of mental health, higher education, and law enforcement. He recently co-authored a book called Engaging Resistance: Creating Partnerships for Change in Sex Offender Treatment, published by Wood N' Barnes Publishing. He can be reached at .
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