Campus CrossWalk Magazine: 2007 Summer Issue -- Conflict + Grace = Healing

Conflicts plague our lives, daily. No relationship is exempt. Large or small, intense or superficial, heated or calm, conflicts provide some of the most challenging contexts for Christians striving to imitate Jesus.

This brief article presents some biblical perspectives of conflict reconciliation and considers some scriptural strategies that can increase our tool box for interpersonal relationships that embody God’s grace. Before we get to those items, however, let me begin with three observations.: 1. Conflict is inevitable. You might be able to stay away from interpersonal conflict if you live an isolated life, but most of us are not hermits. As long as you live among other people, you cannot avoid conflict. You cannot prevent it, no matter how hard you try.; 2. Conflict is neither good nor bad. Some of us grew up learning that all conflict is bad, that we should never fight in any way. Others of us grew up learning that we should fight for ourselves, that we should hit back whenever anyone hits us. The truth is that conflict is not good, and it is not bad.; 3. What is good or bad about conflict is how we handle it. You have probably heard the old saying: “When life throws you a lemon, make lemonade.” Conflicts are like lemons. They can be destructive or constructive, and the results can be either sour or sweet.

With those three observations in mind, let us look at what the Bible says about conflict.

From the very beginning of scripture, we see conflict in human relationships. Cain and Abel began the trend, and others followed in their footsteps—Abram and Lot, Sarah and Hagar, Jacob and Esau, Peter and Paul, Euodia and Syntyche… Conflict is inevitable, even among God’s people.

However, not all biblical stories of conflict are negative. The conflict in Jerusalem in Acts 15 led to growth of God’s kingdom. Although conflict can cause pain in relationships, God can use it to heal relational brokenness.

Paul writes that God’s mission is to reconcile all creation to himself under the leadership of Christ (Ephesians 1:9-10), and he challenges Christ’s followers to participate in that ministry of reconciliation (Ephesians 3:10-11, which refers back to 1:9-10; and 2 Corinthians 5:11-6:2). God is actively healing broken relationships, and we get to join in this divine ministry, reconciling people to God and to each other.

The church has not always accepted our identity as God’s peacemakers. I have seen churches ostracize people for political positions or because they struggle with a sin different from the sins experienced by the majority. Churches have also disregarded Christians who are not members of the dominant subculture. Looking farther back in our history, we see people exiled and even killed in the name of Jesus, and we see conflict in the church as early as the first century (see 1 Corinthians 1:10-17 and 3:1-23).

We know that it is not enough for us just to talk about what the Bible says about conflict. What are some practical actions that can help us in this everyday ministry of reconciliation? The Bible gives some specific guidance for handling conflicts. In his book The Peacemaker, Ken Sande pulls together some helpful scriptures for us:: Glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Biblical peacemaking is motivated and directed by a desire to please and honor God…; Get the log out of your own eye (Matthew 7:5). Peacemaking requires facing up to our attitudes, faults, and responsibilities before pointing out what others have done wrong…; Go and show your brother his fault (Matthew 18:15). At times peacemaking also requires constructive confrontation…; Go and be reconciled (Matthew 5:24). Finally, peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and developing agreements that are just and satisfactory to everyone involved…

Thus, conflict is a continual core element of God’s mission of universal reconciliation, and we participate as peacemakers in this divine work. Conflict can test us, but with God’s strength and guidance, we can handle conflicts with grace and proclaim God’s glorious healing to this broken world.

Steven Tramel Gaines serves as campus minister with the Central Church of Christ in Spartanburg, SC, and as part-time professor at USC Upstate. He has earned degrees in ministry and communication and has a graduate certificate in conflict resolution. He also is a certified conflict mediator.