Campus CrossWalk Magazine: 2005 Summer Issue -- Real World Sex

A GIFT OF GOD

Sex sells. Sex heals. Sex pleases. Sex displeases. Sex seduces. Sex kills.

More than all that, sex is a gift of God--intended to flourish in a beautiful steadfast bond between two people, husband and wife. Another intended consequence for sex is… new life. Received on God’s terms, a wonderful network of supportive relations can flow from this divine gift. It’s called; family. Finally (potentially at least), we all end up in a basically safe, sane and civilized society.

And God is pleased.

The closer we follow the Gift-Giver’s plan for sex, the fewer babies will be born to unmarried mothers. Under God’s plan, the number of abortions would fall through the floor. Divorce rates decline, STDs skid toward a halt, domestic violence loses a major motivation, hostile confrontations between lovers get rare, emotional disorders related to heartaches and break-ups decrease, and we gain freedom from the desperate pain of betrayal.

But who wants a world like that?

More children would know and love their fathers and mothers. They would learn more about love from watching their parents (meaning; father and mother). With family ties tighter, children would keep better track of uncles, aunts, siblings, cousins, and grandparents. And trust would increase.

There would be less poverty, crime and drug-abuse too. These pathologies (and more) explode in the aftermath of family breakdown.

More girls would grow up liking men, since their fathers respected and protected them, provided for them and did not use them as playthings. These girls would grow up better able to choose decent men. They could honor their husbands and hold them accountable in fitting ways. Men would not be able to contain their joy over being loved by happy, well-adjusted, trustworthy women who made them better men as a result. And that would delight all decent women.

The ultimate win-win scenario!

Since God gave us sex to create an intimate bond out of which a family survives, thrives and extends into the community at large in bond-building ways, there would be less loneliness. And gratitude would overflow to God.

ON THE OTHER HAND

But on the other hand, we could just live in sexual chaos.

We could get over that “gift of God” nonsense and decide that sex is just a physiological fact of life. We eat, excrete and have sex. It's a biological need. We could stop being so prudish and spread the pleasure far and wide. We could experiment or call it an entitlement and expect it on our own terms whenever we want it and how. A legal “entertainment” industry could resolve state deficits, or perhaps even the national debt. What’s love got to do with it anyway? We could do it with our acquaintances, friends (of either gender), enemies, bosses or classmates. Isn't this how it's done on TV? On the news, we hear of teachers "with" students, celebrities "with" consenting children, etc.).

We’re only human.

And to prevent consequences, we could exterminate unborn babies. They won’t sue us. We could let them be partially born alive and stick needles in their necks and suck their brains out. Those we allow to live can grow up without fathers. Aren’t men scum anyhow? We can start early to train children in their sexual skills. By the time they go to their proms, they’ll have years of varied sexual experience under their belts. We can punish the Boy Scouts of America for trying to stand in the way of “progress.” We also need more tax funds to supply prisoners and struggling school-kids with porn materials. We can create homosexual clubs in junior high schools and force them all to go to seminars about how bigoted and violent right-wing Christians are.

In the words of John Lennon, "Imagine all the people, living for today..."

When STDs increase, we could plan big awareness-raising campaigns, demand more tax dollars and accuse anyone who disagrees of not caring. We could ignore actual sufferers and wear buttons to show how much we care. We could give latex to children and boast of our compassion. We can win their affection by not expecting them to rise to old-fashioned standards of behavior and decorum.

Standards? How boring would that be?

Whatever we do, we must never allow our children to be bored. When they complain of boredom, it's time for all-out panic. Drop everything and make sure they are well entertained. Let them play video games for hours and give them unlimited access to the more exciting avenues of cable and internet culture. Set them free!

And we’ll call it “reality!”

We might need to dispense with archaic terms like wife, husband, mom, dad, uncle, aunt, grandpa and grandma. These terms are too gender-based. Considering all the diverse blends that now pass for family, it’s just too complex to keep up by adding words like “step“ or “biological“ or “adopted” or “twice-removed.” And we can use neutered pronouns and gender-free language in our conversations and Bible translations. We don’t want to offend anyone. We can deconstruct institutions like marriage, which only serve to suppress women anyhow, and replace it with partnerships that may leave women out altogether.

When our kids zone out on drugs, we can just send them to psychologists since their parents are helpless, vulnerable and clueless. We’ll need more experts.

When our kids misbehave or complain, we can explain that their troubles rise from a legacy of repression caused by the archaic notion that sex is some sacred gift intended only for marriage. That belief would drive anyone crazy, right? How could anyone ever conceive it humanly possible to live by such an old-fashioned dehumanizing ethic?

THE REAL WORLD

Considering the two scenarios above, which one looks like the real world?

One sounds too good to be true, and the other all too familiar. But “familiar” need not be “reality!” When sex is enjoyed in the covenant context God intended for it (between a husband and wife), the horrific consequences above (and others) are greatly minimized or eliminated. Those who claim that high moral standards for sex are “unrealistic” simply don’t believe in a real God who gives real gifts.

The truth is, real people do exist, living largely in that genuine reality that embraces sex, on God’s terms, as a gracious gift. Meanwhile, the culture we see sliding toward sexual chaos also exists and it's all too real. Rather than embracing sex as God’s gift, they worship it as an idol. They call it “reality,” but it’s actually idolatry.

: For a related article, go to "Sex and Violence in the Bible."

Joel Mark Solliday, M.Div., is the editor of Campus CrossWalk and the pulpit minister of the Brooklyn Center Church of Christ in Minnesota. A Pepperdine graduate, he later worked in their Campus Life Office and at ACU as a Missionary in Residence. He earned his M.Div. at Fuller Theological Seminary. At the ripe age of 50, he met and married his lovely wife Katie.