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Editor’s note: Under the spell of television, we cannot tell the difference between who we are as an addict and who we could have been had we avoided the “plug-in” drug. Chris Gonzales is a marriage and family therapist and his insights can make a huge difference in your marriage (or relationships). Warning: This article may unlobotomize you.
“Feed me, Seymor,” demanded the blood thirsty plant in the movie (and stage production) Little Shop of Horrors. The plant kept consuming and kept growing. Before long, the plant was dangerous and powerful, consuming Seymor’s time, energy, morality, and life. Figuratively and
literally, the plant sought to suck the lifeblood right out of Seymor. “The vegetable must die!”
Your television can do to your marriage what the plant did toSeymor. So, how do you know if your marriage is in danger of being swallowed alive by your TV? How do you know if your TV is becoming a little box of horrors? Well, your marriage might be in danger of being swallowed up if:
You spend more time watching TV than you do talking to your spouse. Take a week and add up the time you actually spend talking with your spouse versus the time you spend watching TV. You might be surprised.
You watch TV to avoid a conversation with your spouse. This is an internal check up. It has to do with motivation. If you are avoiding your spouse by means of the TV (or for any reason), then ask yourself why would you want to avoid your spouse. If this dynamic is present, it may mean that there is something significant going on under the surface.
The TV is on as background noise when no one is watching. When the TV is always on even when no one is watching, it has ceased being a tool for entertainment and education and has become a member of the family. This is not good. It contributes nothing, consumes electricity, distracts from intimate relationships, and you can’t claim it as a dependent on your taxes.
You decide to watch TV, even when nothing good is on. This is the sign of a TV addiction. When you have flipped through all of the channels and settled for watching reruns on C-Span, just for the sake of watching TV, then you are addicted. If you have ever watched the home shopping channel for more than an hour, you are addicted. It’s like eating a whole bag of Doritos, even though they no longer taste good after about ten chips (I have researched this myself).
You get sexual attention from your TV and not your spouse. There’s a lot of on sex on TV. Sure, there are the channels set up just for that purpose, but sex has permeated all of television. Watching a certain show because so and so is hot or might do something provocative is not a good idea. So-called reality TV shows build this kind of tension well. You can tell by the trailers. What will that crazy bachelor do next? I can’t miss it! If you need TV for sexual excitement, sexual tension, sexual curiosity, or even a sexual tease when you have a perfectly good spouse available to you, then look out. What you get in visual gratification will be lost when real sex, real intimacy could have been experienced.
You get mad if anyone interrupts your TV viewing. Some people fiercely protect their relationship with their TV. They justify their TV love affair by saying they just need to know will happen next, the Rams need them in order to win, and other really important reasons like the I-have-a-right-to-watch reason. How dare anyone, especially a spouse, get in the way of TV viewing? If your relationship with your spouse is interfering with your relationship with your TV, you have two lovers. Not a good idea in marriage.
You veg-out in front of the TV for long stretches of time on a regular basis. If you get home from work and plug yourself into the TV to “relax,” that might be fine in moderation. However, when other things are sacrificed because of this, then it is no longer relaxing; it’s marital negligence. Marital neglect because of the TV is not acceptable.
If your TV functions like any of the above in your marriage, you might have a little box of horrors on your hands. Watch out! It’ll swallow
up your marriage whole or suck the lifeblood right out of it. No intimacy. No romance. No fun. ust a pseudo-satisfying existence fixated on glowing images pumped in from the outside. The television must die!
Check out tvturnoff.org to learn about increasing your freedom from TV.
Chris Gonzalez is a marriage and family therapist and freelance writer living in Jonesboro,
Arkansas. He is married with two children. He has a masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and a bachelors degree in English Education and a relentless thirst to learn more.
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